Haven't met you yet

"I just havent met that special someone yet, thats all," Reed told his best friend sitting across from him at the Lima Bean. Each of them were dressed in designer clothes and holding a cup of coffee in their hands. -Add a period after "yet." Also, 'thats" needs an apostrophe. Instead of saying "designer clothes", you should give a brief view of what they're wearing. "...a dress shirt, a tie and slack" would work fine without going overboard.

Kurt rolled his eyes at his friend. "Please, Reed," he licked his lips. "There are plenty of good looking guys in this world. Pick one and see where it takes you." - instead of a comma after "Reed", put a period instead.

"Well, whats your excuse?" Reed shot back over his cup, a smile on his face. - Add an apostrophe into the word "Whats".

The two besties were spending their usual Saturday morning in the Lima Bean, listening quietly to their I-pods and talking about anything and everything. The boys usually did this, then would leave to the mall to buy more clothes for their already full wardrobe. - Don't use besties without warning your reader. It looks bad. You could say "The best friends, or besties as they called each other, did blah blah blah" and it would sound better. You could then use besties in place of best friends. Also, it's spelled iPod. Drop "The boys usually did this", because you already said it. Use a colon after "Lima Bean" or try "This was their usual Saturday morning. They would listen to music and talk about anything that crossed their minds." Also, try another word that would describe having a large wardrobe.

The brunette seemed to ponder this for a moment. "I guess im just really focusing on my future on Broadway at the moment," he shrugged when he finally spoke. - You never described what they look like, so this is confusing to the reader. Make sure to describe things if you will notify them by hair color. Also, add an apostrophe to...fuck it. Get a dictionary. I've noticed that the worst thing about this story is not the art, but the abysmal grammar. This is easily fixed as your practice. Remember: to be a writer, you must master the written English language. Even I have yet to full master it. And always keep spell check on. Also, try "he shrugged as he finally answered the question" or something of the like.

He had been planning to star in Broadway right when he moved to New York. He half expected producers to have already heard about him and have been begging by now. But, as it seems, they have not - Specify "he". "Begging" about what? Also, you do not star in Broadway. You star in a Broadway show. You can, however, star on Broadway.

"That's a reasonable excuse," the curly haired boy commented with his own shrug. "Put that as mine, too." - Drop the comma after "mine".

"Oh, we're on in five!" Kurt suddenly exclaimed, bolting from his seat, not caring about the forgotten coffee. "Come on, come on! Reed, hurry your clumsy butt up! We're on in five minutes!" - You don't need the second comma.

At nine'o'clock every Saturday morning, they both put on a bit of a show for the other customers. They enjoyed it themselves, kept them occupied for a food five minutes. It also helped them get ready for their careers in singing when they grew up. - 'Nine o' clock." Put a period after "themselves" and start a new sentence. "for a food five minutes" should be explained. I'm not aware of this second definition of "food". Try using the word "trained" instead of "get ready" for the next sentence. Also, "when they grew up" implies that they are kids. This contradicts the fact that Kurt have apparently moved to New York. Adding in "as they were growing up" makes an inconsistency.

Both boys walked up the steps to the stage. Two microphones were already set up. The took their spots and looked to the manager with a nod, their signal to turn on the music. The intro started and the boys smiled at the 'audience,' some of them normal comers and other new. The ones who normally came had pulled up chairs to the front of the stage to watch. - Try "and nodded to signal the manager to start their music." It would then flow better. Drop the apostrophes around audience. It is an audience and no extra emphasis is required. Also, "normal comers" makes no sense.

They both began the song they had been rehursing for the past week: 'Haven't met you yet,' by Michael Buble. Reed began the first verse, with Kurt following in on the chorus before taking a lead on the second verse. They alternated lines in the bridge. When they finished, the crowd erupted in applause, the girls screaming. The manager simply smiled at them, wiping invisible dirt off the counter. - This entire paragraph is unnecessary. You can't assume that the reader knows what this song is. You don't have to go into this much detail unless you plan on writing the lyrics out or describing their movements during the performance.

As they were walking off the stage and back to their seats, two bodys suddenly came in contact with theirs. They looked up, surprised to see two extremely good looking guys staring at them. - Good-looking is relative to the person. Try using words like "attractive", "handsome", etc.

"S-sorry," Kurt mumbled, reaching out to steady his friend before he fell and made a fool out of himself. "C'mon, Reed." - Drop the word "out."

Reed let Kurt drag him out of the handsome boys' presence. Kurt grinned at him from the side. "I know you think he's hott," he pointed out, reaching their table. - Try "as he reached their table' or "after he reached their table."

Choking, Reed bumped into the table, knocking over his coffee. "W-what?" He managed to exclaim when he flailed and hurried to pick up his cut.- Try "while he flailed, he exclaimed" or "...as he flailed." Also, cut?


"Oh, come on," the brunette laughed, his smile wide. "They were both really hott. Of course, the one on the left more so, but still. But the one on the right could tear his eyes off you! Even after I pulled you away." He looked smug. "I call that a win." - Hot has one and only "t". try "smugly" or "with a look of "smug."

The red head blushed. "He looked like he could crush me!"

"I look like I could crush you, Reed."

"But he was taller! And stronger!"

"So is everyone else in Ohio." - I thought they were in New York?

"B-but he was so big! He looked like one of the bullies who would throw us in dumpsters!"

"He very well could be."

"Kurt!"

"Eh-hem,' both boys froze, their head slowly turning to look to the side. "Drop the comma. The Kurt and Reed were no the ones speaking, so this become a grammatical error

The two boys they just crashed into -yes, the hott ones!- were standing at their table. Both were holding a diffrent flavored frozen coffee drink in thie hands. "Mind if we sit here?" - Drop the exclamation point. You don't have to notify the audience of what they are drinking. "They were each holding a frozen coffee" would work just fine.